Freitag, 22. März 2019

Gedichte von der Insel / Island poetry







In mir bewegen sich Welten, Wellen.
Ganze Berge reisen in mir vor sich hin.
Die Wolken meiner Existenz werfen exquisite Schatten
und ich bin betört von der Schönheit meines eigenen Versagen.
Wieder einmal schleudert mich das pure Angesicht der Erde
zurück auf meine Füße und
ich schwitze unter ihrem Blick,
ohne die meine Arme zu erheben,
so als könnte ich ihr doch etwas anbieten -
einen Dienst, eine Tat, mein Vergehen.

Wieviel Kraft es mich kostet,
so einfach zu leben,
wie jene Menschen.
Sie arbeiten, indem sie pflanzen und ernten und kochen.
All ihre Entschlossenheit fließt in diesen, kleinen Ort.
Wie oft sprach ich schon von meiner Bewunderung für sie.
Sie sind ein gänzlich unerreichbares Ideal
und doch komme komme ich ihnen von Zeit zu Zeit nahe,
nur um zu merken,
ich bin nicht wie sie.
Ich bin der Teufel auf zwei Beinen,
meine zarten Philosophenhände umfassen die steinerne Schale
klaren Weihwassers.

Täglich verzweifle ich an meiner Situation und
fliehe zu den mir bekannten Gewohnheiten. Als ob
ich stetig um Hilfe schrie,
so komme ich mir vor.
Nur der Respekt vor jenen Höchsten,
welche unsere Gesellschaft als so arm erachtet
lässt mich hoffen in meinen Qualen;
und das obwohl ich weiß, dass
ich heute nicht sein kann wie sie.
Morgen wohl auch nicht.
Übermorgen wohl auch nicht.
Doch hoffentlich lerne ich,
mich selbst zu lieben,
denn allein
bin ich nicht.

german poetry illustrated by pictures from time spent on the island of La Palma / Canaries, Feb 2019

Freitag, 28. Dezember 2018

Calm Heart




Winter is such a beautiful time of the year.
To my newborn son I always smile and say: "Let's go out and visit Father Forst! He is finally here."

When the tips of the thorny Ilex leaves are covered in icy snow,
like millions of decorated christmas balls,

my psyche retreats shyly in silence,
and I am left with my emotional show of Why and How.

Therefore, why am I here?
Last year in July, I finished my Master of Arts in Interdisciplinary Anthropology - whilst writing my major thesis about a wolf, who ran through Germany. That wolf was finally shot around the corner from where I live in the Black Forest - La Selva Negra!
(Download-Link for the thesis in german - https://erdbewegung.org/human-animal-studies/) Throughout that last year of my studies in Freiburg, I made a true effort to dive deep into theories and ideas of a research sector called "Human Animal Studies". People who publish and discuss in that field of thought are often times trying to project non human animal as just as valueable as human animals. Even though all animal species and other life species like plants of funghi differ in their various shapes and abilities, doesn't mean one species is better than the others and in a moral position to exploit the rest. You know, Mass meat production, fashion furs and also all the implications that stem from these behaviours like environmental pollution and so on. My story was about a wolf and by telling it, I wanted to show that this wolf was an influential individual, who co-created facts and politics in german human societies.

Whatever... after having mounted that horse for a while, I found myself sleep-depraved and unhappy about the outcome. Working and thinking, I felt like in exil, writing about a topic from a perspective which was not in line with great parts of the society, I was living in. The whole thing about humans and non humans. It's a true war with many crimes and victims. Some just don't want to see this. For my part, I will probably not become a scientist, just like I didn't become a christian or buddhist monk over these years. Personally, I see myself in-midst of an Age of stories. The more themes I get to know, the less addicted I get in general. Currently, I can read about pre-history German and Vikings (and their various aric gods), without getting overly wound up and confused about myself or my national historic heritage. This Calm Heart of mine also sheds light on my own personal story, which always went somewhat like: I don't like humans. Jesus said on that topic: "Come on, forgive them and love them!".  Buddah said: "At least accept them, so that you have a chance to love yourself.". My amazonian shaman friends helped my to hear the voice of their plant deity, who said: "Love yourself, integrate daily life and grow the fuck up!". Which brings me back to that question that my Dad recently started to ask me on all possible occasions: "What do you work?".

How am I managing my stay here (on Earth)?

The first work I can remember was me sitting in my room at the age of about 6 years. I was an only child growing up in material wonders and personal freedom, so there were very little interpersonal boundaries I had to negotiate; like as if I had had a brother or sister living with me. Good times, I can tell you. I really got into myself, my imagination and my freedom. I felt okay to be just me and I think very early in my life, I decided that being me is enough and worth being called a job. Most people accepted me in my egocentric ways and I managed to sell myself out and make good cash till my mid-twenties. Throughout my life, in sports, at parties, paid work and traveling, I remained disconnected from most humans, except some very few, who I loved instantly and who I cherish until  today. Working consistently on complicated human relationships "against-the-odds" never were part of my work, though. It went as far, that I became friends with the ocean, mountains, plants and self created deities, so I could pass my day in company. I still speak, laugh and argue with plants on a daily basis.

Anyhow... my baby boy arrived on this planet just one month before I handed in my Master's thesis. You can see the picture above. I really had called him and I am still happy he came to join my life. But suddenly I was triangulized! My partner wanted to talk everything out and refused love making; her body was suddenly not only hers, but also the baby's. My baby boy was seeking for a love beyond words and an honest, lasting commitment. I had no idea how to provide all these social functions! My own Father had left us before I had been born and only touched my life on special occasions.

These days, when I am walking past the icy, snowy Ilex leaves, I remember that little boy at the age of six, who I have once been. My God, blessed be he. It's ok. Calm Heart.

Big blessing also to all of you,
Your Entourage



Mittwoch, 2. November 2016

The merry of summer, the end of the slumber















It is time again; to die.

My life is somewhat like a permanent stay in the lion's den, where one must feel fear to dare further, further, further. My neck is already bleeding; the she lion bites me every day. That bitch, who saved my life is the incarnation of a dream. That horrific time spent  in the brazilian amazon jungle showed me a soul field of burned spiritual earth, which waited to be replanted with children of love. Books, music, culture. Freiburg took my Rainbow away, I took it's love away; tried to cage it in, handled it carefully, learned to receive it's treacherous curse, which I had fled for years. I didn't find my self - I became something far away from "my" self. We are it and the one who speaks is nothing but a representation of society's depression; but healing slowly, truly and trustingly.

I am nobody. We are the Organism(s); we are the lion's den. Do you dare?

It is time again; to live. We are free

With much of love from the Freiburg World,

the Kreiskollektiv

kreiskollektiv.de


Sonntag, 26. Juli 2015

Borders




B O R D E R S

Once, I wrote about fences, today I am writing about borders.

Living with other people, one is faced living with differences, differentiations and possibly difficulties. It might be oneself, who feels different form others or the other way around. The neighbors, the parents, siblings, friends or society as a whole express and sometimes impose or live by a movie, a way, which can be alienating at times. On the other side, greater tasks like living in a complex social and material dream can only be met by just this diversity of character, archetype, homo this and homo that. Some are talking about a division of labour, some call it the kaleidoscope of (wo)men. If one is allowed to exist as an individual today, is even encouraged to do so, one can also choose his or her own borders of social contact, physical commitment or self imposed isolation of all that which might provoke influence over own's life / death: thought, diet, hygiene, sleep, communication and reproduction. There are not so many buttons to push actually. In their combination ..., of course another (love) story. So what are the borders of an individual? Which are the ones of a collective and which purpose do they fulfill? (There will be no answers, if anyone is expecting any.)

Is the human “I” negotiating with its existence as an organic self; a human instead of a machine, an animal, an animation or a thing? Let's ask Gesa Lindamann or Bruno Latour about it. Let's ask God
or the gods.A border differentiates one thing, state, being, attitude, feeling, belief or action from another. If there is only one “I” and then there is I and a million ifs, thats and this', which can be bordered with. Maybe the story ends here: What if the I chooses no borders to interact with. Can I choose so and still be? To choose is to choose for something, a debate which fascinates philosophical thought since intellectual ages and has spawned interesting theories, which are only proving one motivation. To feel this or that way, to think this or that, to act this or that way. The pursuit of happiness fulfilled in the requiem for a dream, which leads to addiction of thought and death. Booohoooo.
Let us make love now. The “I” chooses to be with another “I”. This is called “I and I” and can contain many “Is”, not only two. Maybe to communicate is to love. It can be a jealous, manipulating, lecturing, singing, complimenting, feeling, telepathic, unsure, spontaneous, true love, but it is done in an effort and no guarantee to be received. Kind of like art. Communication can not be calculated with, even though western / some of many (what is western, if one is located in India, Germany or Brazil) thought(s) tries to prove otherwise by promoting a never satisfying linguistic consolidation in cultural and natural sciences. Nevertheless, by communicating with another, an attempt to synchronize with other “Is” can be done. In this process and also because it is so utterly complicated and easily to be misunderstood, judged upon and just not received well or actually effortless achieved, if one applies effort, pre-existing borders of the “Is” are ultimately played with, fused and transformed into new “I and I” borders. Some walk these borders, some protect them, some paint little pictures on them, others leave them again, some feel save inside of them, others attack them, some overstep them, a few try to prove them, some do not feel them, others are expanding them, there are “I and Is”, who/which try to synchronize them. To do what? Make love, of course ;-).

Have a great time and listen as well as you talk!

Your Entourage

The creator of this blog did not create this video or helped creating it, it is the project of a friend Dimitri Basil and others




B O R D E R S

Mittwoch, 1. Juli 2015

The Moon Mountain


What can I say? Maybe that my life is happening to me?

I am living through an intense personal shift at the moment. Do you, too? I am curious and in awe. I am feeling out my own roots and am taking these steps together with other people, who are just doing one thing: To take the steps together. Let's start walking and see what will happen. Txai puke duake.

Looking at the picture above, I am remembering that evening a few months ago. I had sung at sunset. For the mountains, my own happiness and all that can be sung for. Later I had had a good dinner with some friends, I am also blessed to work with. One of them, a very talented photographer named Hansi (www.hansiheckmair.com) took this picture for me on a bright moon.

If you are experiencing "out of the normal" sequences in your life right now, know that you are not alone.

All the love,
Your Entourage

Mittwoch, 10. Juni 2015

Standing on your own feet



The last of my writings and photos was done just after my home coming to the European Rainbow Gathering in Hungary 2014. At that time, I had travelled for a little more than four years and throughout these four years, I felt I had had always something to write about or photograph. The more I looked around in my universe, the more I wanted to capture moments digitally or later on film, to explain my emotions to others virally and verbally. The time I stopped posting more, was the time when I decided on either going further on my nomad path or once more researching about and experiencing the society I was born in. Like many dreams, which ultimately are bound to come true, I dreamt of either flying higher and higher with other freedom seekers or to grow roots in a place, where I can give back some of the karma, I received on my own, previous travels. Like most wishes, the darker sides are only experienced when the dream comes true.

Eventually, I met a few young german guys at the Rainbow, who were living in Freiburg - funnily enough - the only town, I had considered settling down. Also, I had applied for a Master program in Interdisciplinary Anthropology at the University of Freiburg earlier that summer, just to check my swag.

Instead of going to Brazil or Siberia, I chose to come to Freiburg in October. The city being quite green and small, but still a city with strong consumerism vibes, proved to be a challenge I had long evaded. To be honest, I felt day by day, how my natural forest energies slowly left my body, being consumed by asphalt roads and shiny lights. I lost weight and I lost joy. The nights stretched into days and I only kept my wits together my trusting that all will turn out right in the end. I sought refuge with Merlin, one of the Rainbow kids, I met in Hungary. We decided to look for an house together. Simultaneously, flight tickets prices to Brazil went down low. After only one month and against all “german” odds we had our house and moved in on the 28th of December with five other beings.

Now, it is June – five months later and I am still here. Alive and living in a place, which offers rest and abundance to many other travelers from all over the world. My lifestyle has changed and so has my mode of learning and self reflection. I was not able to take a single picture in all of these months. To plentiful became the moments of magic. It felt wrong to interrupt the flow of things by capturing them.

A few days ago, there was this sunset and all of us just ran up to the highest of our balconies and climbed on the railing to see the last beams of sunlight disappear in the west.


We are living close to Freiburg and we are circling, singing and telling stories to each other. We are studying the system, to find its openings for positive input. We are free and we are working for it every day. To keep the balance of things, we support each another and forgive our many flaws.

Samstag, 18. Oktober 2014

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 "Is not the south the source of life, and does not the flowering stick truly come from there? And does not man advance from there toward the setting sun of his life? Then does not he approach the colder north where the white hairs are? And does he not arrive, if he lives, at the source of light and understanding, which is the east? The does he not return to where he began, to his second childhood, there to give back his life to all life, and his flesh to the earth whence it came? The more you think about this, the more meaning you will see in it." [Black Elk, "Black Elk Speaks, {Black Elk on the importance of the circle and circular organization in human society}, John G. Neilhardt]

Impressions taken with my grannies Voigtländer Vitomatic II from the World Rainbow Gathering in Hungary 2014.

Parts of us are settling down for the winter in the south-west of Germany, fuse.

All the love,
Your Entourage